Tuesday, April 06, 2010

HHD: Embarrassing Moments


After knowing JPX for almost five years, I learned something pretty interesting about him. He has a ridiculous weakness for brownie batter, and I have the video to prove it. Although JPX is quite mortified for anyone to see this little film, he finally agreed to let me post it after a little arm-twisting, and, of course, with the agreement that I would post an equally embarrassing clip of myself. Recently, I unearthed two cassette tapes of me singing as a young child. It’s one hundred and twenty minutes of ultra humiliating torture. JPX forced us to listen to about ninety minutes of it a couple of weekends ago, but you only have to endure twenty-four seconds. As an added bonus, I’ve set an embarrassing picture of me looking like a boy as the backdrop. You probably remember my boy hair cut haiku from a previous week.

Enjoy these two videos, as JPX and I cringe in horror, and then be sure to post your most embarrassing moments in grand haiku form.

42 comments:

JPX said...

Late for a new class
Only seat in the front row
Trip and land on butt

Need to meet with boss
I walk into his office
Clearly he farted

Waiting for bathroom
Secretary emerges
Left me a present

Catfreeek said...

Sang Karaoke
Kicked ass, the crowd was cheering
then fell off the stage

Jr high horror
math class,period through pants
Social suicide

USA Skate Rink
I got a little too high
started to undress

Catfreeek said...

Hilarious tale
that happened to a close friend
She reads this,I'm dead

She slept with this guy
he was performing oral
she was holding gas

As she orgasmed
she machine gun tooted out
in this poor guy's face

(I'm in tears laughing)
so they never spoke again
I think I'd just die

HandsomeStan said...

Break poop seal early
The JPX strategy
A proven winner

Where to begin here?
3am, and I still cringe
Wet pants in 3rd grade

Horrible moments
Replayed vividly in bed
Oh, insomnia

Catfreeek said...

Fourth grade English class
scratching my ear, what's this bump?
A tick! So I screamed!

JPX said...

Late for a new class
Everyone looked over at me
My zipper was down

I once went to work
Saw patients, went to meetings
Wore two different shoes

JPX said...

Presenting research
To a large group of doctors
Did not go very well

I was asked something
About statistics I used
I couldn't answer

After awkward pause
I came up with an answer
I said, "I don't know"

Octopunk said...

Hampden Meadows swings
Jeff snags chain launching from high
Shreds Epcot t-shirt

Octopunk said...

Flushed the work toilet
Dang flush lever popped right off
Landed in bowl -- gone

JPX said...

Dressed like homeless man
Approach sales guy in Target
Damn, he's a patient

HandsomeStan said...

Boner dilemma
Mortifying school hall walk
Trapper Keeper shield

JPX said...

French Riviera
Surrounded by topless teens
Boner dilemma

Octopunk said...

Jeff visits our pool
Sports tiny "briefs" bathing suit
And I still tease him

AC said...

met a young woman
seemed reluctant to shake hands
she had a flipper

as if in slo mo
i go for it anyway
and grasp that flipper

then my friendly mom
ignores the same social cues
and shakes the flipper

JPX said...

It was a hot day
Used bathroom, went to meeting
Walked in all sweaty

That's not the worst part
To my horror I realized
Belt was unbuckled

50PageMcGee said...

mid-pee, drop phone in
flush to avoid touching pee
phone clog overflow

hockey game, thrown out
rope gate in way, ducked under
helmet caught, flail, fall

alone in dorm stairs
cut *bad* fart, enter cute girl
stops to chat, bad choice

Octopunk said...

Crash at 50's house
The night before his birthday
Fall asleep by phone

Parents awake me
Sing whole Happy Birthday song
While I sit dumbstruck

An awkward silence
"Do we sound like Bob Dylan?"
"Do I sound like Marc?"

Octopunk said...

At basketball camp
"Friend" burns my ass with lighter
Leaves scorch mark on shorts

During discussion
Cut fart in gymnasium
200 boys laugh

Then while we exit
They all point out the scorch mark
They said 'twas the fart

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Racquetball soul crush
An elderly man schooled me
In his underwear

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Supermarket plight
“I’d like one Archie Digest
Please don’t judge me, sir”

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Knock Knock. “Don’t come in!”
I’m virtually naked
(Watching J. Springer)

Johnny Sweatpants said...

People stare at me
When I sing Happy Birthday
My voice is horrid

Catfreeek said...

Book report on "Jaws"
tried to cheat and just watch film
endings not the same

Teacher called me out
in front of the entire class
looked like a dumbass.

JPX said...

I'm 40-years old
Yet I'm still embarrassed when
Purchasing condoms

Yet for some reason
I don't feel embarrassed if
The cashier is black

HandsomeStan said...

Every school photo
From ages 5 to 15
Coke bottle glasses

From 12 to 15
Add some braces to the mix
Embarrassing life

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Dissed by a blind man
Stumbled into him, he asked:
"Who's blind, me or you?"

Octopunk said...

Chick ignored stop sign
I screamed at her from my bike
Turned out she was right

Catfreeek said...

Worked with a girl who
tried to demonstrate break dance
she did a spin fart

AC said...

teenage appearance
constantly embarrassing
i never looked good

glasses and braces
cheap "supercuts" type hairdo
not much acne though

i'd no fashion sense
one fine day in junior high
paired danskins with boots

another fine day
demo'd new type of blusher
sported orange cheeks

remember sun-in?
i'd forgotten about it
until this topic

Catfreeek said...

Hanging out with Brent
Kid runs in holding dildo
Swear it was a prop!

Catfreeek said...

I worked at the Y
Sun-in turned my hair orange
Chlorine made it green

Green was not in style
got accused of snotty hair
yes, I know Sun-in

AC said...

another fine day
trumpet fart in assembly
yes cat that was me

Catfreeek said...

AC you fooled me
thought you were the quiet one
you little stinker

Got high before class
big mistake, Mr. Battles
made me read out loud

Johnny Sweatpants said...

My first chance at sex
I told her "I'm not ready"
A costly error

Catfreeek said...

A bad day at work
bitching about co-worker
she's right behind me

A bad day at school
bitching about my boyfriend
he's on the phone line

Bad day at Walmart
bitch about store manager
he's in the next aisle

Mr. AC said...

Can of shaving cream
bad substitute for hammer
leaves me foam covered

Friend on vacation
Let’s smoke up in his backyard
Neighbors called the cops

Cops and dogs dispatched
We ran, but they ran faster
Busted smoking pot

Stuffed stash down my pants
Cop said, “Is that your dick, kid?”
My reply, “Yes, Sir.”

JPX said...

Age 11, shit my pants
Buried them in grandma's yard
I bet they're still there

Radio station
Worked there at school for 1 day
I never went back

I bailed on this job
Refused to go on air 'live'
Social phobia

DCD said...

Tried to sneak car out,
pushing it out of driveway.
Burt was not happy.

At sixteen I thought
I could physically push
a Buick Regal

DCD said...

Why is it "okay"
for guys to drop fart bombs?
Social death for chicks.

I mistakenly
let one go in science class.
Teasing went for weeks!

DCD said...

In fourth grade recess,
wrap around skirt comes unwrapped.
Flashed entire school.

Catfreeek said...

I curse those damn skirts
wind gust, blows open, exposed!
a flap-around skirt

On job interview
Noticed after shirt undone
and I got the job

DCD said...

Telemarketer
in college. I was busted
for faking phone calls.

Gave myself away.
Never hit a single "goal."
(Cause it was torture!)