Accidents happen over the course of the day. You're bumbling along, oblivious, thinking that the world is on your side and then, whoops, you accidentally drive into a horse.
Most of the time it's because we're moving too fast or trying to juggle too many tasks. We're distracted, we're not quite involved in our appointed task. There's a momentary blip in our thought process, and then out comes something we weren't quite intending.
If we're really lucky, our accidents can unfold with little consequence to ourselves or to bystanders.
But sometimes our fuckups can have devastating consequences. Victims of these accidents may wind up cursing their fates and rueing the very existence of the perpetrator for decades.
And other times, the perpetrator *is* the victim.
beautiful haiku
on its way to perfection
then what happened?
36 comments:
True, I pooped my pants
I buried the "evidence"
I was 10 years old
First day of college
Ran into class late, took seat
My zipper was down
Biggest accident?
Marrying a borderline
Still "paying" for it
Tried to pee in can
Out of control fire hose
Never pee and drive
Dad's car had good speed
I can make that yellow light
Airbags REALLY hurt
Backyard wrestling vid
JSP's gut-wrench suplex
Stan almost crippled
Mooned girl to break up
Wrote "It's Over" on my butt
No accident there
Finally got a car
All set to drive it to school
Wrecked it on the way
Three Mile Island guy
Spills coffee on control deck
Boy is HIS face red
Late to the airport
Ran like crazy from my car
Oh no, wrong airport!
JPX lets fly
I roll, arrow just misses
Was no accident
once on the vineyard
walked down stairs, popped calf muscle
getting old's awesome
once in manhattan
walked barefoot indoors, broke toe
stubbed it on wood trunk
once in barrington
broke my right thumb in dance class
just don't ask me how
once at okemo
fell off a moving chairlift
somehow broke nothing
("once" at okemo
really means "two or three times"
still, nothing broken)
Pissed about ticket
I banged my fist on windshield
Huge spiderweb cracks
My possessions break
Mom tells me I'm "hard on things"
I call it "badass"
I once crashed Stan's car
Stuck in ditch during snow storm
It wasn't my fault
Picture this: last night
Wine glass crashes to the floor
It wasn't my fault
I broke my iron
How does one break an iron?
Not sure, not my fault
Coffee grinder broke
I pushed the button too hard
Now it just sits there
I walked home from school
Held my pee the whole way home
Fumble with keys...oops
I walked home from school
cut through the dump,large snow drifts
sunk to waste, lost shoe
One day at recess
Broke my wrist catching a ball
Got out of homework
Mom sent me to store
Slipped on ice milk gallon burst
she thought that I lied
Week of first wedding
totaled my van, face bruised, stitched
it was an omen
Used a megaphone
Forgot to press the button
Gave a silent speech
musicians aint droids
bass player makes a mistake
heard by everyone
I shouldn't say this
But Stan was an accident
His mother told me
back in 2000
driving to Colorado
rolled my SUV
rainy, 6 PM
on Firestone tires (pre-recall)
and a bit too fast
under overpass
crumbly patch in the pavement
fishtailing rear tires
managed to get straight
but too late - heading off-road
into on-ramp ditch
"i'm going to die,"
was the thought that crossed my mind
no time to get scared
tipped into the ditch
down, then up an embankment
over the on-ramp
then off road again
one full roll and a quarter
onto car's right side
windshield smashed to hell
rear right tire ripped fully off
side windows all gone
i moved to crawl out
forgot i'm still wearing seatbelt
(wah wah wah wah wahhhhh)
largely uninjured
dark bruise across chest and hips
scratched, mildly concussed
went to hospital
ironically named town
Parachute, C O
That's how Stan breaks up?
So how did he propose then?
That guy's a class act.
Left hose in gas tank.
Tried to drive away, snapped hose.
Cashier let me go!
Dropped wallet on tracks
Of subway in Japan, and
It was there next day!
Same wallet in cab
Cab driver lives across street!
Wallet returned, yay!
Forgot to take cash
From ATM in Japan
Nobody took it!
Also got a free
Train pass when I lost wallet
First time. (I was cute.)
Not so lucky ones:
Hit by car while riding bike.
Broke leg, giant cast.
Fell in debate. Yep.
Twisted knee, carried away
In an ambulance.
Later in ballet,
Fell again, same knee gave out.
Surgery. No fun.
As far as cars go,
The main issue for Julie:
Stationary stuff.
Poles, curbs, banks, ladies
Who might be parked behind me,
And disabled. Oops.
What causes mishaps?
carelessness, chance, oversights?
PJ says "Not me!"
Stan was no "whoopsie"
Product of calculation
Math - I love it so
Wasted on Date Night
Poor, hasty decisions made
MrsX: "Uh-ohhhhhh..."
Hard steel nuts and bolts
Pounded mercilessly through
The soft yellow pine
Pinewood futon frame
Your mattress is rolled and packed
Now your time has come
The truck waits outside
The boxes are stowed away
And still you lie prone
When I first got you
Some assembly was required
And now the reverse
But the bolts won't yield
The toolbox is in the truck
So I cast about
And then I see it
Resting on the bathroom sink
An improvised tool
A light tap to start
Almost imperceptible
But there is movement
Again, but harder
I take aim and strike the bolt
Metal on metal
My makeshift hammer
Sealed and filled with shaving cream
Yearning to break free
It's clearly labeled
I should have read the warning
But it was too late
Covered in white foam
The can still spewing wildly
I ran for the door
AC stood laughing
My moving day misfortune
Famous for all time
Anvil reference
Would have won if you weren't champ
Brilliant on brilliant
Oh look. Fresh water.
No, it's a tar pit. Oh fuck.
Accidental death.
It's "by accident"
Not "on accident," moron.
Grammar accident.
Doodlejump is dumb.
You play until you die by
Accident. Stupid.
All video games
Suffer from that same sad flaw.
Play 'til you fuck up.
I don't see the point.
No matter how far you get,
In the end you fail.
Except for Zelda.
Played that until I gave birth.
Finished one version.
My bro and I both
Accidents. Yeah baby. That's
How my family rolls.
Since I was pregnant,
Jumping causes accidents.
Poor old leaky me.
"Doodlejump is dumb"
Chicks don't get video games
Or The Three Stooges
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