Local Nerd Totally Psyched To Be Here

I would formally like to thank JPX for the invitation I just received to enter the enveloping, ensnaring, hypnotic folds of Horrorthon. I've often felt like Eric Idle in Life of Brian: "Can I...join your group?"

I have, for the other eleven months out of the year, been increasingly more reliant on Horrorthon for the very latest in Those Things That Are So Super Cool That We Would Never Speak At Length To Any Woman About. Unfortunately, it is during the one month of October (the very lifeblood of Horrorthon itself) that I feel I will never be able to equal the Founding Fathers or contribute or compete on any competitive level. Yes, that's right - I said "compete on a competitive level." The guys that commentate on NFL games also write my posts for me.

Due to my work on real-life movie sets and the intervening time spent with Girlfriend, my hours are severely preventative when it comes to watching more than one horror movie per year, let alone per month or per day. What I most humbly offer to the Elder of Horrorthon for the upcoming 2007 season is a handful of brilliantly written insider-perspective reviews of choice-cut horror movies from the last half-century, written from the point of view of a guy who spends upwards of 80 hours a week on movie sets. (For instance, that scene in Dawn Of The Dead where the zombie stands up into a helicopter blade and gets his 6-inches-too-high-forehead cut off? How would you like to be THAT stunt guy? I don't care if I have TWO FEET of fake forehead on top of me, there isn't any amount of money in the world that would get me to willingly stand up INTO a full-speed whirling helicopter blade. I hope that guy got a piece of the residuals or something, because I'd like to talk to HIM at a comic book convention sometime. ("So dude, you must have totally shit your pants. But I bet that clip gets you laid a lot.") And yeah, I put a parenthetical inside a parenthetical. You can expect this kind of grammatical and punctuational wizardry all the time. I bet I was supposed to use brackets somewhere, but fuck that.)

The picture up there refers to the fact that I am currently working on Pink Panther 2 in Boston, and reflects nicely my thoughts on joining the blog. If you want any insider scoop on this Notly-anticipated sequel, I'd be happy to tell you what's happening on set. There's actually some really funny shit in this one. JPX will probably also remember badgering me for details on Spiderman 2 when I worked on that one, and I can only tell you that what's happening to that Indiana Jones extra is precisely what I feared. Fear will keep the local star sytems in line. I could only tell JPX at the time that standing on a New York City street with Spider-Man himself swooping four feet over my head on cables was one of the cooler moments in my career.

That, and also when George Clooney threw a bra at me during my karaoke rendition of Poison's "Nothin But A Good Time."

Horrorthon!!!

Happy to be here, everybody!