Jennifer's Body

(2009)**

“Hell is a teenage girl.”

High school siren Jennifer is the coolest girl in school. She’s a cheerleader and the object of every man’s desire. When she is not seducing men she spends her time with her nerdy best friend, Needy, who worships Jennifer and secretly dreams of being just like her. One evening the two visit the only bar in town to listen to an out-of-town rock indie rock band. Jennifer is immediately taken with the lead singer, flirting mercilessly. As the band begins its set the bar catches on fire quickly engulfing the entire place in flames. Thanks to Needy’s quick thinking the two manage to get out alive while many other perish. Once outside the bandleader propositions the clearly traumatized Jennifer and she agrees to leave with the band, ditching the concerned Needy. Jennifer learns the hard way that the band has taken her in order to “sacrifice a virgin” for reasons I never quite understood. Because Jennifer was not a virgin, the “sacrifice” backfires on the boys and rather than pleasing Satan (or whatever the hell they were up to), Jennifer is possessed by a succubus. I feel dumber just for typing the plot of this film. In order to maintain her beauty and vitality Jennifer must become a flesh-eating monster that devours the local boys. Needy eventually figures things out in one of the film’s many clichés (going to the library, thumbing through books on the occult and finding the exact relevant passage) and desperately tries to figure out a way to stop Jennifer before it’s too late.



Jennifer’s Body wants to be a lot of things yet achieves none of its presumed objectives. Is it a comedy? No, not really save for a few unfunny one-liners. Is it a “horror” movie? Sort of, but for an R rated film it’s a tame one. Is it the new Heathers? Boy oh boy it tries so hard to be. Jennifer’s Body is a jangled mess of clichéd, half-baked ideas that wants to be hip but ends up being embarrassing and barely watchable. There are far too many clichés to cover here but I’ll hit upon a few. One of the most irksome is Jennifer’s childhood best friend, Needy, who is presented as a nerd, but is clearly an attractive girl donning thick glasses and librarian attire, check it out,

The glasses are supposed to make you believe that I'm ugly

When she’s not wearing her glasses she appears bug-eyed most of the time,


I found her bug eyes to be distracting

Other clichés abound; the film begins in a mental institution where Needy has been hospitalized following the events we are about to learn about via flashback. The problem with opening the film in this manner is that it reveals that Needy will survive her eventual showdown with the Succubus inhabiting Jennifer, sapping the already weak story of any climactic suspense. As the story moves into flashback mode we are treated to clichéd Clueless-like narration over-explaining the Heatherish rules of high school and establishing that Jennifer is the high school cheerleader every man desires. Director Karyn Kusama tries hard to create “cool” verbiage for the high school students but fails miserably with numerous cringe worthy comments such as calling one guy a “freaktard” or claiming that Needy’s boyfriend, “must be packing some serious pubic inches.” Jennifer informs one guy that his flirting “gave [her] a wettie.” Yuck. When Jennifer thinks a guy is good looking she says, “He’s so salty!” Huh?


This is to show the audience that I have been possessed by a succubus

Jennifer’s Body was marketed as a “sexy” horror film, which is ironic given the near complete absence of sex and overall lack of true scares. The only “scares” are of the clichéd variety. For example, as Needy is standing alone in a room a hand is suddenly on her shoulder, when Needy turns around it’s just her friend Jennifer saying, “Hi”, etc. It’s puzzling why this was given an “R” rating given that there is no nudity, cursing, or gore. Even Jennifer, who apparently rips her prey apart during seduction, is never actually shown doing so. The most we see are her bad ass fangs and blood splattered on her clothing. A misfire on all levels, Jennifer’s Body wants to be so much yet achieves so little. It’s not funny, scary, sexy, or gory. It’s a series of clichés built upon an extremely flimsy premise that fails to deliver any sort of satisfying viewing experience. Avoid.