My Bloody Valentine 3D

(2009)***

The prologue to My Bloody Valentine establishes that 11 years ago 6 miners became trapped in a mine following a cave-in due to negligence. When rescue teams finally reached the miners 6 weeks later, they found that all had perished except Harry Warden, who survived by killing the others. Warden is found in a coma and placed in a hospital. A year later he wakes up from his coma, dons his miner garb, and returns to the mine where a bunch of teens are partying. Warden manages to kill several of them before being shot by the police and retreating into the depths of the mine where he is never heard from again. Meanwhile one of the survivors of this new massacre, Tom, whose family owns the mine, leaves town unexpectedly.


Yep, that shovel decapitates her in glorious 3D!

Following a 10 year absence Tom returns to the small mining town to sell the family mine, which he inherited from his recently deceased father. Upon returning Tom learns that his ex-girlfriend married his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. Axel is immediately suspicious of Tom’s motives and makes no secret that he wants Tom to leave. The rest of the town is equally unhappy with Tom’s appearance, believing that he contributed to the original cave-in because he did not vent the methane lines. As things become contentious between Tom and, well, everyone else, Valentine’s Day arrives and people begin dying at the hands of a mysterious miner once again. Axel believes that it’s Tom, Tom Believes that it’s Axel, and everyone else believes that Harry Warden has returned.


I love Tom Atkins!

This is the first time that I wish I had seen a movie in 3D! The movie itself is forgettable and is derivative of every slasher film since Halloween, yet I can only imagine that it was terrific in 3D. Most 3D horror movies have a few good money shots but for whatever reason skimp on the possibilities that the medium has to offer. My Bloody Valentine is teeming with in-your-face 3D moments including pick axes, limbs, and even an eyeball (yes I know that this was done in Friday the 13th Part 3). Without the 3D the story is a serviceable whoisdoingit? that kept me guessing (of course I was wrong). I gave it an extra star because there is a standout 5 minute sequence in the middle of the film involving a completely naked woman (full frontal!) being stalked by the killer. The last time I saw full frontal in a horror film was the excellent Return of the Living Dead.