Wednesday, August 25, 2010

HHD (along with the Fremasons, Illuminati, CIA, NSA, FBI, MIB, Mafia, The Mother Company, Stonecutters & The Wookiee 7) present: CONSPIRACY THEORIES!!

In my never-ending quest to see if the government is actually watching and trying to crack down on anything, I present yet another activity through my computer that, beyond the almost criminal levels of porn, should in theory at least get me some attention, if not arrested and/or “adjusted” through my new digital-broadcast-ready TV with the secret camera and microphone installed (mandatory on all models from 2007 on…seriously, it’s true!)

“What’s the Dealey-yo? Why we be slowing down so much in this wide-open area?”

Right on the cusp of the Internet age, almost served as an appetizer of sorts (makes you wonder), was Oliver Stone’s 1991 film JFK. (A source of inspiration playing in the background as I write this…) Looking back, it seems no accident that right on the cusp of the country (and the world) being reborn as a collectively tongue-wagging blogosphere, we get a movie that essentially rewrites history, presenting a work of fiction that becomes what the younger generation now takes to be inarguable historical fact. It’s a good lesson in how good we’ve become at creating our own faked reality:

The chick in the yellow spandex is the script supervisor

The REAL reason we had to cover up the Moon landing

In any event, here’s why conspiracies really exist: they actually help us make sense of a world which, more often than not, does NOT make sense, or adhere to any known principles of logic. In short, the bigger and more senseless the tragedy or event, the more vocal and blazingly passionate the conspiracy theory. We need, in a basic, psychogical-survival kind of way, to invent narratives that help us make sense of it all. Our beloved musical icons can’t just die stupidly; there HAS to be some sort of overwhelming conspiratorial desire to bring them down, an evil desire that equals and eclipses the joy we got from their music. The list is long and storied, each with a separate conspiracy theory: Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Elvis Presley, Paul McCartney, Kurt Cobain.

“No, I don’t want to go to no Grassy Knoll Club. What it is witchoo?”

It’s comforting, in a perverse kind of way, to invent stories about the chaotic and unpredictable nature of the human race. It helps us stave off the body-rocking fear that there really isn’t anyone in control, that there’s really no rhyme, reason, or control of absolute random chaos springing out at any moment, and that there’s no reason for anything, at all. (By extension, this is why religion exists, too. A strange corollary, and probably a conspiracy.)

That’s my anti-conspiracy paragraph; the bone thrown that there’s an Occam’s Razor for any potentially conspiratorial scenario. The simplest explanation tends to be the truth. UNLESS…

That’s right. Controlled Demolition. The buzzwords that define anything in relation to a 9/11 conspiracy theory.

See? Nobody wants to mention the Big Red Arrow that flew into the South Tower!

I’d like to return to one of my favorite tropes, the BASIC computer programming If/Then scenario, which passes for absolute truth and fact in my world…


IF you believe ANY PART OF the following: a Lincoln and/or Kennedy conspiracy, and/or that something other than a weather balloon crashed at Roswell, and/or that the Moon landing was faked, and/or any number of Big Conspiracies Involving What Passes For Our Government, and/or just a vague, general sense that things are probably Not Entirely What They Seem,

THEN, you must conclude that 9/11 is the end result of a decades-old, if not centuries-old, perfectly-honed ability on the part of whoever the “leaders” are, to perform the most audacious stunts in full public view, knowing that through control of the media, and the softening of the brains of the masses through TV, that anything reported as factual will be taken as such, and that anything deviating from the norm can be dismissed as “fringe lunacy,” and everyone will be happy. The fringe will feel like they have their voice, though no action will ever be taken, and there will be an accepted story that opiates the masses. Any of the principals involved will be doing so within a level of ignorance and/or secrecy, and if it’s the latter, they will be eliminated post-haste with innocuous car accidents or heart attacks.

As they are keen to quote in JFK, “As Hitler said, ‘The bigger the lie, the more people will believe it.’”

It’s true, you know. Except that it’s not.

As Bush Senior put it on September 11, 1990 (no accident THERE): A thousand points of light. A New World Order.

I knew I could squeeze one more wrestling picture out of this

There’s been enough ballyhoo lately about Obama’s supposed Muslimism, and the fact that he’s subtly bringing this country into an eastward-kneeling, burka-heavy Muslocracy, that I felt the time was right for this topic, especially as we come up on a very important date. September 15th; my birthday. Anyway, here’s part of a great article showing that 20% of people, no matter what, are automatically nuts, courtesy of MrsX (I couldn’t hyperlink because most of the article is irrelevant to this discussion, plus I had to go through a stupid sign-in with the Washington Post:

Much attention has been paid in recent days to a poll by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life showing that 18 percent of Americans incorrectly believe that President Obama is a Muslim. But the results of another Pew poll on religion released last December were far more shocking. It turns out that 36 percent of Democrats claim to have communed with the dead, and that 19 percent believe in casting a curse on someone using the "evil eye." Think about that: According Pew, more Democrats believe in the "evil eye" than Americans believe Obama is a Muslim.

The fact is you can find 20 percent of people anywhere who believe in almost anything. As The Post's Aug. 22 Outlook section noted, 20 percent of Americans believe that space aliens have made contact with humans on Earth…

And, as Homer teaches us, statistics can prove anything. 14% of all people know that.


HandsomeStan said...

Robot planes, fake peeps
Classic government fake stuff
Cheney planned whole thing

Hope somebody caught
The Shibumi reference
In the title post

HandsomeStan said...

Teen Wolf really sucked
Everyone was in on it
No conspiracy

HandsomeStan said...

Official story
Aliens love ballooning
UFO cop out

It's like, EVERY time
People see weird shit, report
"Nope. Weather balloon."

Octopunk said...

Tony Bennett warns:
Crazy Cuckoo Super King
(Capitol City)

JPX said...

Elvis never died
Who really cares at this point?
He'd be an old fart

O.J. S. was framed
Just ignore the D.N.A.
People are stupid

The dumbest one yet
Obama is a Muslim
If so, what's it mean?

Octopunk said...

What about haikus?
Same syllables ALL THE TIME
Coincidence? Riiiight.

JPX said...

My experience?
Consipracy theorists
Are crazy people

Mass conspiracy
Sarah Jessica Parker
She is not "pretty"!

Octopunk said...

Easter Island heads
In collusion with mummies
Make air travel suck

Octopunk said...

Bob Marley was killed
By the freakin' government
Here have some of this

Octopunk said...

Hey, switch them around
Sarah J P and Johnny
Have same initials!

Octopunk said...

Bag of M&Ms
Two of them stuck together!
Clearly a signal

Sweet conspiracy
Candy's drugged, makes us eat it
Not my fault I'm fat

HandsomeStan said...

Moon, 9/11
Conspiracy is harder
Than actual thing

This post's first photo
Disproves the magic bullet
Ask me why sometime

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Follow the logic
No conspiracies exist?
Dismiss everything?

Ok, so say that
We conspire against Octo
- Form a secret plan

Steal some of his crap
Make his life miserable
Use subtle evil

Hide his underwear
Kill his cat etc.
Would that not be real?

How ‘bout Watergate?
No conspiracies exist
Until they’re proven

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Eric Carr was killed
Peter wanted to come back
The Cat killed the Fox

Johnny Sweatpants said...

“The Man” killed Lennon
I sincerely believe that
He was deemed a threat

Octopunk said...

Ha! I mock your plot.
My cat's a well-known zombie
Underwear's for wimps

Perhaps "your" idea
Part of my devious plan:
Find my enemies

Octopunk said...

The Wookiee 7
Leave no clues for you to find
Except ripped-out arms

Catfreeek said...

Major cover up
at area 51
alien crash site

What did those folks see?
An alien sex scandal
just my opinion

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Owen Hart was killed
Revenge for hurting Austin
Vince, drunk on power

JPX said...

Lennon was murdered
By a mentally ill man
No conspiracy

Know what's bugging me?
Why's Jersey Shore popular?
Yes, conspiracy

Johnny Sweatpants said...

"The Man" killed Lennon
The FBI had a file
This we know is true

They were scared of him
He rallied folks against war
He was a leader

They had a motive
They certainly had the means
It's not that crazy

AC said...

UFOs ain't so
fox and dana searched for years
zero evidence

a patient told me
"the damn jews own everything"
i wish it were true

public transit, argh!
conspiring to make us late
but who benefits?

JPX said...

The plan makes no sense
Have mentally ill man kill?
Too many loose ends

If they wanted to
There would be easier ways
A small "accident"

Don't believe in them*
Too many people involved
Yes, someone would squeal


50PageMcGee said...

okay, time out, folks
it's not a "magic" bullet
it's "single" bullet

one bullet, straight line
multiple points of contact
think of it like this...

toothpick thru sandwich
hits bread, meat, lettuce, toppings
a "magic" toothpick?

50PageMcGee said...

stan's conspiracy
picking a hump day topic
with four syllables

the word by itself
hogs almost a whole damn line
stan's goal: Thonner stress

HandsomeStan said...

"Magic toothpick" = True
Connolly sits lower down
Bullet goes straight through

AC said...

mother company
pure evil, ironic name
ripley's nemesis

Catfreeek said...

Conspiracies real?
Just ask Jessie Ventura
he'll tell you they are

The New World Order
says we're all pretty much fucked
unless you're elite

Rich elite not smart
eliminate all the rest
who will wait on them

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Damn you JPX
Conspiracies don't exist?
What about these then?

Check out number 8
40 year conspiracy
200 men dead

By definition:
A secretive agreement
To commit a crime

You're far too trusting
There's no evil in the world?
Corruption exists

Octopunk said...

I overload my haikus
And you never even notice

Octopunk said...

A specialized plot
Hatched by the No Homers Club
Okay to have ONE

HandsomeStan said...

Your link is too good
Leia reference too good
Shit is everywhere

HandsomeStan said...

Black helicopters
Sure no one's ever seen them
They're totally there

HandsomeStan said...

The Stone Of Triumph
Final initiation
It's totally true