Monday, August 23, 2010

HHD Results: The mutiny was successful!

We may be savage brutes, gentlemen, but coffee is coffee


Let me just say that my heart's cockles were quite warmed by the rebellious rejection of my HHD postponement two weeks ago, and as such I've decided to include those in the pool for the winner. Perhaps I should've declared a surprise end to the contest last week, but I was so sure the topic "henchmen" would rouse all 'thonners from their summer slumber.

But no! My "legitimate" haiku day netted me only three more poetic comments than the day I said "fuck it!" I'm not sure what that says. But here's what you said.

First, upon my announcement that there would be no Christmas... I mean Haiku Hump Day, because I was too busy lounging around at a beach house somewhere, Johnny set the tone right away:

That's total bullshit
I wanted to write haikus
No one can stop me

Thereupon the group waxed philosophical, like Stan:

There's no spoon, Neo
Like there's no topic, Thonners
Bend shit anyway

And Cat:

Nothingness prevails
my mind a near empty void
filled only with cats

From there the form roamed free (sort of, since they were still haikus), and we heard about Lobot's personal life, Q-Bert's trash talk, Paul Stanley's self love and even, uh, what I was doing (thanks to the wife) while blithely ignoring the revolution taking place in my own damn post.

When the "real" HHD got rolling, I must admit I had a doubt about the freshness of all things hench. What with Austin Powers, The Venture Brothers, and The Tick, perhaps the henchmen's plight had been leeched of its comedy.

Perhaps it mostly has, but my little posse of flying monkeys did me proud.

JSP

Best Stormtrooper gig
Ride a dewback, drink some beers
Look for a few droids

Stan

An orc's resume
Former boss: Giant Red Eye
Need references

JPX

Retarded side-kick
He liked to be called Lennie
Good at crushing mice

Cat

Willard chose wisely
rats are loyal employees
and they work for cheese

I was also impressed at the range displayed, my sister culling the obscure outrageousness of a weird Daffy Duck cartoon, and AC giving a shout out to the two poor bastards who took on Rorschach in prison.

In the end, it was this one that made me laugh the most. So it wins.

And R5-D4
Movies would have sucked with him
No motivation

Because Luke says he's got a bad motivator. Ha ha ha ha ha!

So congrats Handsome Stan. No topic is awesome topic after all.

I sign off with a little reader's poll... we've got Horrorthon coming up in six short weeks... should we give HHD a rest a little early this year?

16 comments:

HandsomeStan said...

Well, THAT was unexpected! Thanks, Octo! I certainly haven't been around on the blog in what seems like weeks, and my haiku output has been paltry at best (I've had some pretty big mental and physical handicaps in recent weeks. Nothing serious, but still...)

With regard to the reader's poll, I can say only that my next movie starts next Monday (even though it's only preproduction prep for September). I'm pretty confident I won't be swamped yet, as it would only be my third day. It is a factor, though.

Also, I've said it before - I personally feel like I ran out of topics sometime in mid-2009. Which is why I'm continually amazed at the creativity and ingenuity that pops up week after week.

So what I'm saying is that I'm saying nothing. As current titleholder, I'm again excited to mine the depths of my brain to come up with another awesome topic. But I will defer to the voice of the people, if an early break is in order.

Octopunk said...

Well if you're excited I'm excited. I sheepishly admit that part of my reasoning for suggesting a break was that I sprang the responsibility upon you a day before hump day. But if you've got some time for prime brain-mining I say we pounce on the window of Stanavailability.

JPX said...

Congrats, Stan! I agree, the non-topic haikus usurped the official haiku topic and there were a lot of gems. I especially enjoyed JSP's Lobot haikus, which seemed to come from out of left field.

Regarding future HHD, I vote that we put it on hold until post Horrorthon. Personally, I've never been busier at work (I saw 43 patients last week) and for some reason I'm unable to post comments at work (it's hit or miss). It's the perfect storm for a lack of participation on my end.

HandsomeStan said...

So we're deadlocked. I'm mining away, pickaxe in hand, in case the voting swings significantly in favor of soldiering on.

I feel your pain, JPX.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I vote continue HHD, you lazy bastards! Even if the output is underwhelming it's still a nice Wednesday distraction.

Congrats Stan! The "orc's resume" haiku made me snort.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Q: How awesome is my Francis Buxton avatar?

A: Very awesome indeed.

Octopunk said...

What's hilarious about your avatar is that it seems to come from a separate Pee Wee's Big Adventure photo shoot, just like they shot all the Star Wars characters on white backgrounds for the trading cards.

It also reminds me of one of my favorite lines in that movie: "go ahead and scream, we're miles from where anyone can hear you!" Funny because it's patently false.

HandsomeStan said...

Apropos of nothing, FB's character name in Teen Wolf was "Chubby."

Octopunk said...

Oh I hope Teen Wolf isn't next week's topic.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Francis: Remember when I first saw your bike? You rode past my house, and I ran out to tell you how much I liked it.


Pee Wee: (patronizing) I love that story.

AC said...

my wednesdays at work are brutal, and even though my haiku output is low, i really count on the distraction of the topic and reading others' efforts to get me through... so put me on the "pro" side to continue hhd for the time being.

HandsomeStan said...

Very well, then - Teen Wolf for everyone!!!

(I'm probably kidding. Maybe.)

Catfreeek said...

I vote to keep it going, I look forward to the Wednesday distraction as well. Please, not Teen Wolf. At least broaden it to MJF flicks.

AC said...

hah! whether teen wolf or mjf, i'd have to sit that one out... but would no doubt enjoy the ensuing haikus.

HandsomeStan said...

Not to worry. I think I've got a topic with a few more talking points than Teen Wolf. I'm trying to write (and curtail & edit) the intro now.

Am I a heretic for actually saying that the movie isn't really all that good, and misfires on a number of normally "rad" 80s movie cliches?

I don't know, I've never gotten the warm fuzzy from that movie. Maybe because they shot it BEFORE BTTF, then realized how big MJF was going to be, and released it afterwards to cash in. But it's kind of a dud all the way around.

Except for the line (which you have to growl), "Give me...a keg...of beer."

(Flinching in advance of the blistering Jordan counterattack)

JPX said...

I tried to watch Teen Wolf for the first time recently and I aborted 2/3 of the way through. I love a good (bad) movie like most people, but this one is flavorless.