Inspired by Catfreeek's Villains topic from [insert number] weeks ago, today we study the villains' trusty minions! These enthusiastic employees have a thankless job, being routinely picked off by vastly more competent good guys and then their own bosses for letting them down.
Sometimes a henchman will stand out due to special skills, like homicidal hat-throwing.
Sometimes being a midget is enough.
A small band of misfits can also suffice.
Then there are the super-specialized arms of the operation.
And of course the raging hordes.Today you are my henchmen, and together we battle the non-existence of haikus on the subject. Give me your poemly-formatted brain thoughts!
Fly, my pretties, fly!
26 comments:
Good guy knocked me out
Stole my uniform -- but hey
I win office pool
Damn flying monkeys
gave me nightmares as a kid
but the witch was lame
So, technically
Darth Vader is the henchman
for the emperor
Just an observance
don't you think the emperor
must have some vile breath
We are all henchman
For good or evil, we are
Minions for the man.
Today I'm henching
For my school and government.
Gathering data.
Who works for themselves?
Even prostitutes have pimps.
We're all just lackeys.
Sidekicks of evil
Are probably thinking, "Meh.
Benefits are good."
The 40’s henchman
Play cards, get in fights, act dumb
Get yelled at a lot
Best Stormtrooper gig
Ride a dewback, drink some beers
Look for a few droids
Worst Stormtrooper gig
Sent to Hoth to fight rebels
It’s fucking cold there
doc horrible's Moist
sweet "evil moisture buddy"
weak skills, but union
frau farbissina
the euro female version
scotty evil's mom
michael and lawrence
big figure's prison muscle
no match for rorschach
But what of Lobot?
Rented out his own damn brain
Now Johnny spurns him
I want a henchman
I’d call him “The Enforcer”
He would call me “Boss”
His first assignment:
Walk around and beat up jerks
Scratch ticket buyers
I could insult him
But that wouldn’t bother him
He’d just try harder
Lobot had to go
His grand boringness bored me
Francis is better
The hat throwing guy
Also Francis's butler?
"Francis is busy!"
serving these bosses
many in my job have died
Spinal Tap's drummer
let's come out of warp
*real* close to the Hoth system
good plan, huh Lord Va-[hchch]
(PS - i'm counting that last bit as Ozzel getting choked mid-syllable. don't be a hater.)
Phantasm henchmen
weird little creatures in hoods
weren't they just Jawas?
What's with evil guys
never do any work themselves
just bark out orders
No wonder they lose
Henchmen are always sub par
empty headed goons
Willard chose wisely
rats are loyal employees
and they work for cheese
Lost total respect
for power of stormtroopers
ewoks kicked their ass
Segal movie thugs
Their bones often snap like twigs
Plus balls kicked around
Best Henchman Ever
Shoots cassette tapes from chest
Soundwave superior
Starscream and Destro
Philosophical soul mates
Question your leaders
An orc's resume
Former boss: Giant Red Eye
Need references
Grover Dill's his name
Was Scut Farkus' "toadie"
Obscure reference
His name was Otis
Lex Luthor's useless side-kick
Yep, nepotism
Retarded side-kick
He liked to be called Lennie
Good at crushing mice
I could use henchmen.
I have a few employees
that need a beating.
Tonight for instance.
I should be home in my bed,
instead, I'm at work.
Best group of henchmen,
Duck Twacy in The Great Pig-
gy Bank Robbery.
Snake Eyes, Mouse Man and
Pumpkinhead! 88 Teeth!
Pickle Puss! Bat Man!
Rubberhead! Wolfman!
Jukebox Jaw! And don't forget,
Ack! Neon Noodle!!
I bet if Wile
E. had some henchmen he would
be more successful.
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