Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Haiku Hump Day: Henchmen

Inspired by Catfreeek's Villains topic from [insert number] weeks ago, today we study the villains' trusty minions! These enthusiastic employees have a thankless job, being routinely picked off by vastly more competent good guys and then their own bosses for letting them down.

Sometimes a henchman will stand out due to special skills, like homicidal hat-throwing.

Sometimes being a midget is enough.

A small band of misfits can also suffice.

Then there are the super-specialized arms of the operation.

And of course the raging hordes.

Today you are my henchmen, and together we battle the non-existence of haikus on the subject. Give me your poemly-formatted brain thoughts!

Fly, my pretties, fly!

26 comments:

Octopunk said...

Good guy knocked me out
Stole my uniform -- but hey
I win office pool

Catfreeek said...

Damn flying monkeys
gave me nightmares as a kid
but the witch was lame

So, technically
Darth Vader is the henchman
for the emperor

Just an observance
don't you think the emperor
must have some vile breath

Julie said...

We are all henchman
For good or evil, we are
Minions for the man.

Julie said...

Today I'm henching
For my school and government.
Gathering data.

Julie said...

Who works for themselves?
Even prostitutes have pimps.
We're all just lackeys.

Julie said...

Sidekicks of evil
Are probably thinking, "Meh.
Benefits are good."

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The 40’s henchman
Play cards, get in fights, act dumb
Get yelled at a lot

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Best Stormtrooper gig
Ride a dewback, drink some beers
Look for a few droids

Worst Stormtrooper gig
Sent to Hoth to fight rebels
It’s fucking cold there

AC said...

doc horrible's Moist
sweet "evil moisture buddy"
weak skills, but union

AC said...

frau farbissina
the euro female version
scotty evil's mom

AC said...

michael and lawrence
big figure's prison muscle
no match for rorschach

Octopunk said...

But what of Lobot?
Rented out his own damn brain
Now Johnny spurns him

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I want a henchman
I’d call him “The Enforcer”
He would call me “Boss”

His first assignment:
Walk around and beat up jerks
Scratch ticket buyers

I could insult him
But that wouldn’t bother him
He’d just try harder

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Lobot had to go
His grand boringness bored me
Francis is better

Johnny Sweatpants said...

The hat throwing guy
Also Francis's butler?
"Francis is busy!"

50PageMcGee said...

serving these bosses
many in my job have died
Spinal Tap's drummer

50PageMcGee said...

let's come out of warp
*real* close to the Hoth system
good plan, huh Lord Va-[hchch]

(PS - i'm counting that last bit as Ozzel getting choked mid-syllable. don't be a hater.)

Catfreeek said...

Phantasm henchmen
weird little creatures in hoods
weren't they just Jawas?

What's with evil guys
never do any work themselves
just bark out orders

No wonder they lose
Henchmen are always sub par
empty headed goons

Catfreeek said...

Willard chose wisely
rats are loyal employees
and they work for cheese

Lost total respect
for power of stormtroopers
ewoks kicked their ass

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Segal movie thugs
Their bones often snap like twigs
Plus balls kicked around

HandsomeStan said...

Best Henchman Ever
Shoots cassette tapes from chest
Soundwave superior

Starscream and Destro
Philosophical soul mates
Question your leaders

HandsomeStan said...

An orc's resume
Former boss: Giant Red Eye
Need references

JPX said...

Grover Dill's his name
Was Scut Farkus' "toadie"
Obscure reference

His name was Otis
Lex Luthor's useless side-kick
Yep, nepotism

Retarded side-kick
He liked to be called Lennie
Good at crushing mice

DCD said...

I could use henchmen.
I have a few employees
that need a beating.

Tonight for instance.
I should be home in my bed,
instead, I'm at work.

DCD said...

Best group of henchmen,
Duck Twacy in The Great Pig-
gy Bank Robbery.

Snake Eyes, Mouse Man and
Pumpkinhead! 88 Teeth!
Pickle Puss! Bat Man!

Rubberhead! Wolfman!
Jukebox Jaw! And don't forget,
Ack! Neon Noodle!!

DCD said...

I bet if Wile
E. had some henchmen he would
be more successful.