Monday, October 18, 2010

Blood Car

(2007) ***

[To the tune of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 theme song]

In the not too distant future
It's forty bucks for a gallon of gas
Archie Andrews is trying to invent a car
That runs on fresh wheatgrass

He works out of his bedroom with some tubes and parts
But the wheatgrass isn't getting the the motor to start
Then whoops, he cuts his hand on some broken glass
His blood drips in the wheatgrass and the rotor turns at last!

Drip. Drip. Vrooooom!

He runs his car on small beasts
Like cute little dogs and squirrels
(la la la)
Then his elderly neighbor keels over
So he juices the dead old girl
(la la la)

When he meets Denise, Archie becomes unhinged
Killing innocent folk on a blood-fuel binge
You see, Denise gets horny only when the car goes fast
Archie needs more corpse-fuel so he can tap Denise's ass

(Screen-shot mon-tage!)

TIT SHOT!

KID SHOT!

CAR BLOW-JOB!

ANNA CHLUUUUUUUUMSKY!

If you're wondering why I wrote this review
To the theme of MST3K
It's cause I needed the review to pad my stats
And I didn't have that much to say

About the low budget comedy-horrorrrrrr flick
Blood Car

[Brrrrowwwwwnng]

5 comments:

Catfreeek said...

Hahahaha!! You got my vote, that review is going to be hard to top! Now I'm going to be singing the MST3K theme in my head for the rest of the night.

AC said...

love it (la la la)!!!!

Landshark said...

Genius. I didn't get it at first, as I don't know the MST3K theme (just lost nerd street cred, I know).

But then I noticed the link--awesome.

Reminds me of the time I wrote a freshman humanities paper on the Canterbury Tales in Chaucerian verse. When the prof asked why, I didn't really have a good answer. Pretty much: "just didn't have much to say otherwise" was the gist of it.

Got an A anyway.

Octopunk said...

Fuck yeah. I got an A on a science project that was a stop-motion film of a clay dude using physics. Nice work, Fitty. Lots to like here, esp. "drip drip VROOOM" and the line ending on Denise's ass.

50PageMcGee said...

good story, landshark.

i might do more of this next year -- reviews to the tune of...