A group of breasty dancers get shipwrecked in the South Pacific along with their lucky manager Gary. Gary, with all the range and subtlety of a 70’s porn star, is understandably pleased with the hand he’s been dealt. Alas, his luck vanishes when he’s bitten by a wretched, raccoon-sized spider, causing him to mutate into some sort of spider-monster. He actually looks more like a wolf man, but whatever. Without Gary, the women are forced to spend the days frolicking and skinny-dipping. Eventually the spider-monster gets his act together and stalks the lovely ladies at which point the real fun begins - excuse me - continues.
*pauses as he remembers fondly*
Most of the movie’s dialogue takes place while dressing or undressing. At about the midway point, a couple of other guys inexplicably wash ashore and eagerly agree to keep the women company. I also seem to recall a party being thrown for no obvious reason.
So why the holy hell aren’t they remaking this movie? Well admittedly the film is far from perfect. There are some alarmingly lackluster scenes, such as the five minutes devoted to the dancers’ search for Gary. “Gary? Gary?” they ask brainlessly, followed by “Gary?” and then, predictably at this point, “Gary?” And when you think about it (as I have), all of these former sexy biddies have at least one foot in the grave today. But it was titillating nonetheless!
It doesn’t take long to realize that the Spiders of Horror Island isn’t your conventional horror movie. They all but forget about the (presumably) dangerous spider-monster for a good portion of the film. But don’t you worry; he has his big scene in the end. Or does he? Don’t really remember and I don’t really care.
6 comments:
Funny review! What are you rating this gem? I have this film in one of my 50-packs and I want to know if it's worth the time. How do the spiders look, by the way?
Opps, scratch that, I see that you put up the info. Was there really nudity in a 1960 flick?
That's something you're just going to have to find out on your own! The spider itself was cool but only in it for 10 seconds.
hmm, this sounds suspiciously like the plot to several of the MST3K movies....
This was a featured "experiment" on MST3K. While I love screening bizarre, bad old movies, I don't think I could watch any flick I've seen on MST3K without the little silhouettes cracking jokes. I'd just stress my brainbone trying to remember what all the little comments were. It'd be distracting. More distracting than all the cheesecake on display here.
okay, i haven't even seen this and already i'm wanting to claim that blonde in the middle for my scream queen award.
Post a Comment