Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Swamp Thing


Sexy.
(1982) ***1/2
I bought this DVD because it looked hokey. But little did I know, its a reasonable movie, with quite a following.
So we're in the swamps in Amerika, and there's a helicopter that swoops down with a white research lady with afro (WRLWA) in it and she gets sent to this research facility discretely placed in the center of the gooey muddiness. At the same time, there are these Rambo-esque army men chasing and killing a seemingly innocent man. WRLWA meets an Australian guy and then some scientists both called Holland. She assumes they are married, to give way to some hilarious mix ups. (Sadly none of them are slapstick). Mr Holland is very kooky and insists on taking WRLWA out on a romantique boat ride OF DOOM. Just kidding. He goes on about the beauty in the swamp and we all roll our eyes because swamps are icky.
Mr Dr Holland has found the cure to growing plants in the desert !! Time to ob(li)viously place the book with the magic formula of this plant stuff in a safe with four more books.
Army clad henchmen swamp (haha gettit) the research facility,with ARCANE the genius bad guy. Miss Dr Holland dies. Mr Dr Holland throws an explosive test tube and the test tube with the grow-a-plant goo in front of him, he catches on fire, and runs through the facility...runs out...runs across the bank...runs into the water. HE'S GOT to be dead.
WRLWA escapes with the final book. But being a weak woman, she gets caught by Rambo henchmen, and drowns. Until! she gets saved by some random green monster. Its Maaan in a Rubbery Green Suiiit!! God Bless.
The rest of the movie is a devious interplay of suitman vs henchmen because Arcane needs the magic formula book. For some reason suitman is willing to repeatedly risk his life to save WRLWA even though they only had a brief romantic moment at the beginning of the movie. Genius bad guy, being a genius, ends up capturing both him and WRLWA. Arcane throws a party, makes one of his henchmen try the potion and he turns into his "true" self; a shy small little midget hobbit mouse thing. Arcane goes outside to take the potion himself, during which time I was shouting out "Make the bad guy speech, say something in Latin, French, SOMETHING!" But no, he just drinks it. He does say something useless afterwards, and then turns into this pig like monster with beady eyes. Suitman and Pigman fight. I shall leave you all at this nail biting cliffhanger!!
Needless to say, I did find out there was a sequel, which I had suspected and that tickled me endlessly, because a sequel to this movie is doomed from the beginning.
All in all, it was worth the watch and I liked how we saw this odd hero evolve and how we got to feel a slight level of empathy for his relationship with WRLWA. Definitely recommended.

The T-Rex was also in the movie. Briefly.Very briefly.

7 comments:

Jordan said...

The Swamp Thing comics are totally awesome. There's the initial series with art by the incomparable Berni Wrightson, and then a later 1980s version written by Alan Moore that's innovative and scary as hell.

JPX said...

Anatomy Lesson!

Jordan said...

"It's raining in Washington tonight."

Jordan said...

"MOMMY NEEDUNT KNOW..."

JPX said...

Awesome stuff! I've never seen the movies and for now that's going to remain true based on this review.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Hilarious review! I've always been curious about this movie. I think I have no choice but to see it now!

Octopunk said...

What a great choice! Of course, anyone in this country who is male and of the proper age (around mine) knows Adrienne Barbeau not as White Lady with Afro but instead by her proper name, Boob Lady.

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