(2009) **
Casey, the chick from Cloverfield, is freaking out because weird things have been happening to her. She sees dogs wearing masks, there are scorpions in her eggs, she hears knocking behind her walls, and a spooky kid keeps appearing/disappearing. Her creepy physician spends about 3 seconds examining her before concluding that she has a “genetic mosaicism”, which according to Wikipedia means,
“In genetic medicine, a mosaic or mosaicism denotes the presence of two populations of cells with different genotypes in one individual who has developed from a single fertilized egg.[1] Mosaicism may result from a mutation during development which is propagated to only a subset of the adult cells.”
Yeah, I know, I didn’t even read the second sentence, big yawn. Along for Casey’s quest for the truth is her boyfriend, who doesn’t have any reason to be in the film except to titillate the ladies with his bare chest and make the rest of us feel ugly, and her best friend, a dysthymic black girl who never once offers anything intelligent or helpful.
My boyfriend works out a lot
I'm useless
After much unnecessary story padding, a series of coincidences leads Casey to her Holocaust-survivor grandmother, who puts things in perspective with a very bad accent. Without giving away too many key plot points we learn that the creepy kid haunting her has something to do with Nazi experiments conducted in Auschwitz and there’s only one way to get rid of him…
I'm the money shot used in the trailer to make you want to see the movie
I was somewhat optimistic about seeing The Unborn, after all it was directed by David S. Goyer (Blade II, Dark City, Batman Begins) and there were some cool shots in the trailer. My enthusiasm was quickly muted during the opening sequence, however, when it became apparent that Goyer was going to throw every J-horror cliché at us. This is the kind of film where the protagonist looks across a busy street, sees a creepy kid staring at her, and after a bus momentarily blocks her view the kid is gone. There is not a single original idea or scare in The Unborn. Characters drift in and out and are not missed. Casey’s boyfriend, for example, disappears for 25 minutes in the middle of the film. The scares are far and few, cheap and generally unnecessary for the plodding story. The shot above of the man with the upside-down head, who later spider-walks a la The Exorcist, is thrown in for no reason whatsoever. As if that’s not enough, we later see a dog with an upside-down head. These moments were no doubt added to make for a more titillating trailer - of course I fell for it. It’s all quite pointless, and worse, scare-less. Avoid.
16 comments:
It kind of irks me that this girl (whatever the actress' name is) will become the Cloverfield breakout star, when that honor really belongs to the girl who played Marlena. I mean, sure, Beth was prettier, but Marlena was just awesome.
I agree! It was especially obvious in this film that she was cast purely on her looks. There are several scenes featuring her standing around in her underwear. Also, she must wear 20 different outfits in this film.
No matter how "intense" the story gets, her hair and makeup are always perfect. Sigh.
Not that I would turn away from the screen or anything if she's in her underwear. She's very pretty. It's just that you can tell from Cloverfield that she's conspicuously less talented than the actors playing the other four main characters. Matt Reeves gets some nice work out of her in her first scene (the party) and in the video flashbacks, but she's just not in the same league as the others.
There's not a single moment in The Unborn that would make you believe that she can act. In a lot of ways she reminds me of Meghan Fox.
She's so much better than Megan Fox. I can say that just based on Cloverfield. She's got a fucking pulse! I saw Transformers and I never want to see Fox in a movie again. She's got dead eyes, and she can't talk, and her only move is to make "sexyface." "Beth" in Cloverfield was at least a plausible real person and not just a girl in an ad (like Fox).
I soured on Fox after seeing her in several interviews. She seems thoroughly unpleasant and, as you note, "dead". Her statements and attitude appear to reflect a very damaged individual.
Yeah; but I wouldn't mind any of that if she came alive onscreen! You've made comments on several occasions about your own sensitivity to the actors' own real identities, personalities etc. (Tom Cruise's insanity, for example).
I'm as compelled as the next guy by all that stuff, but it doesn't really interfere with my appraisal of their work. For example, I know that Bruce Willis and Mel Gibson are total right-wing assholes (Gibson more than Willis) but it doesn't affect my appreciation for their onscreen work in the slightest.
With Megan Fox, I'd forgive her all the stupid remarks and behavior and all of that (which really isn't so different from how Jolie used to behave) if she was any good in movies. I remember that Pauline Kael wrote something about Jolie right before she died (Kael, not Jolie, obviously) about "Zia" and how Jolie was just amazingly vivid and fearless and lit up the screen. If Fox could do that, I wouldn't care about her ridiculous personality. But she's dreadful; she makes Jessica Alba look good. (Not look good; you know what I mean.)
For the most part I agree, but I can't get past Mel's anti semitism, although I must admit that I did thoroughly enjoy Apocalypto (Somehow I rationalized watching it because Mel wasn’t in it). His Holocaust-denying father is also a major turn-off. I do love watching Tom Cruise on screen and I struggle with that – I just like the way he looks and acts.
I didn't know that about Willis, thanks a lot!
Fox hasn't done enough yet for me to get too worked up about her. The failure of Jennifer's Body might take her down a peg.
The best recent example of an actress blowing me away on screen was Penélope Cruz's borderline character in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Also, Jennifer Hathaway was amazing in Rachel Getting Married, I don't normally think about her as an actress but she destroyed.
Oh, Apocalypto and Passion of the Christ are a completely different story, because he's MAKING the movies, and he's horrible; he belongs to a sect of catholicism that rejects the Vatican II edicts. Barbaric! FilmMAKING is totally different from acting, where, despite the tremendous egos involved, you're really just a brushstroke in somebody else's painting.
I agree about Penelope Cruz. I just saw that. Amazing!
Whoa, lots going on here, my quick two cents before I comment about the Unborn. I think Penelope Cruz is awesome in Vicky Christina Barcelona, not to mention hot, I also love Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married, and I wish I never had to lay eyes on Megan Fox again.
JPX wrote an awesome and accurate review of the Unborn. Huge disappointment. I was so bored. I'll say no more for the time, stay tuned for my review.
My friend Alex' wife wrote Rachel Getting Married.
Cool! I absolutely love that film. Really well written.
Rachel Getting Married is one of the best films I've seen in a long time, it's superb.
Tony and I watched this a week or 2 ago, we gave it a solid "yeah, whatever"
Nice review.
I passed a number of The Unborn posters on the way to work when it was out. They were pretty good posters, but in a way I'm glad the movie isn't worth my time. Screw you, titillating posters!
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