(1981) **
In a town of eight or so people in Silver City, Colorado, the opening of a seventy-year-old silver mine unleashes a posse of ridiculous monsters on the basement of a nearby house. What can I say? This movie has everything:
Annoying poodle? Check.
A guy who talks about how much he's gonna have sex with his girlfriend? Check.
Old Man of Warning? Check. However, he's an extremely unambitious one, who merely stalks the main characters saying nothing until the last 20 minutes, leaving one act of petty vandalism as a "warning." (Hey old man, a single 2x4 with the word "death" on it is about as weak as it gets. You're out of the union.)
Obligatory nipple shot? Check, although seriously obligatory. The butt shots are better.
Front door that suddenly won't open for no apparent reason? Check.
Lots of scenes in an overdark basement, containing exactly one water heater, one visually confusing array of cardboard boxes for hiding annoying poodles and dead bodies, and one monster tunnel? Check.
Padding? Check.
More padding? Check.
Would you like some more padding? No? Here's some anyway. Check.
Some kind of monster bestowed with the magical power of being offscreen, so its rubber tentacles can pull people up into the rafters, or under a truck, or knock them across the room with surprising force, and what the hell is this thing, anyway? Do I need to mention you hardly ever see it? Check.
Guy who gets real close while prodding a "dead" monster? Check.
Guy who engages in long conversation while standing waist deep in a subterranean pool in which a corpse was just found? Check.
Monstercam? Check.
Girl in towel uselessly throwing objects at monstercam? Check.
Heh heh heh. Whatever I do manage to pull off this month, my Horrorthon's off to a perfect start.
9 comments:
Firsts!
Before the flood of reviews overwhelms you, check out the Japanese techno video below that DCD posted. It's awesome.
The best thing about this movie is the title. I'm going to be laughing about it all day.
Is this one of your VHS finds?
It is indeed. I saw ads for it when it was out and then caught it on cable a couple of years later during the heady days of staying up late and watching stuff on cable. I've been stalking it for many years.
This movie marked the very first time I saw a nipple in a movie.
For a solid week in second grade it was all I could think about.
Way to kick things off awesomely, Octo!
Aw, thanks for the shout out on the video. It is damn cool.
And THIS is one of the reasons I love Horrorthon. Reviews that make me laugh out loud.
"You're out of the union."
I'm going to be giggling about that today.
OMG, Whirly, I was going to make the exact same comment, almost word for word, until I saw that you beat me to it!
Heck, I'll say it anyway, "The best thing about this movie is the title."
Great review, Octo, I like the checklist appraoch. This sounds like I must see it, if for only the title alone.
Way to kick it off Octo, it's good to be first. Loved your review had me chuckling as well. I had a major wrench thrown in my plans today. Woke up late, no time for a movie. My day off got canceled because of the rain and we're filming tonight too.
On the bright side I get to kick off by blowing someone's brains out tonight. Woo Hoo!!
Wow, great review. I saw about half this movie, so I can say that half the checklist is dead on, and probably the other half is, too.
And yes, that Japanese techno video is very cool.
Hahaha! Brilliant kickoff Punk!
"Would you like some more padding? No? Here's some anyway. Check."
I haven't been in horror mode yet because of my parents visit but this review warmed my heart and started my engine.
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