The Video Dead

(1987) *1/2



Dear Everyone Involved in the Making of The Video Dead,

I recently watched your film for a horror blog competition. I must say that I was alarmed at the crappiness that permeated throughout. Though I was quite pleased with the zombies crawling out of the television and killing Mr. Jordan in the opening sequence, I found the rest of the film perplexing and I was hoping you could clear up a few things for me.

The zombies themselves admittedly look pretty good; if I saw them in a Halloween store set-up I would likely bow in admiration. However, their behavior was grossly unacceptable. Have you ever seen something and thought “well that’s just plain wrong”? Perhaps it’s a nun smoking a crack pipe or maybe a Smurf sporting a Hitler moustache. That knee-jerk revulsion is exactly what I felt when I saw your zombies smiling and laughing. Zombies are never supposed to laugh. Under no circumstances should a zombie laugh. I'm genuinely surprised that you didn't know this. I just assumed that you had watched Night of the Living Dead before getting started on this project.

Why did Jeff try to cover up the fact that he discovered the zombies in the woods? I understand that he had concerns about getting in trouble for letting the dog out but surely something so out of the ordinary would have prompted him to involve the authorities. At this point I already made up my mind about how dissatisfied I was but unfortunately there was still hour to go.

The garbage man vigilante was an interesting character but he was all but forgotten halfway through the movie. Who was that guy and why weren't we given any closure? An explanation seemed only fair.

And why did the zombies get so freaked out in front of mirrors? Were they embarrassed or could mirrors actually do them harm? This was never made clear and for that I hate you.

Sincerely,

Johnny Sweatpants