Monday, March 20, 2006

What, Snakes on a Plane not good?

From Iwatchstuff, "Look at this footage for Snakes on a Plane and try not to agree that you've "had it with these snakes." You think they're just on the ground, in holes, in some high weeds, things like that, right? Not in this case. This is going to sound absolutely crazy, you might not believe it at first, but these particular snakes are actually on a plane. It's a tough issue to deal with; it's close-quarters up there, and snakes aren't traditionally found on planes. No one knows how to deal with them... except one badass fucker named Sam Jackson (this may or may not be his name in the movie).

This biggest mistake I see in this movie isn't the ridiculous plot, or even that the effects look like they're painted by Bob Ross, but that the stewardess is fighting the snakes by cutting them apart. Doesn't she know that cutting a snake in half just makes two snakes, each as deadly as the first? You need to make sure you kill them or they'll use math against you, specifically multiplication. The one exception is constrictors, which, even if they continue to multiply as you cut them apart, will eventually become small enough that they can't constrict you. Still, why leave anything to chance? Treat them like a parking lot rapist and use a Taser, like Samuel L. Jackson does.

NOTE: The website will ask you to "Sign Up Now & Add Snakes on a Plane as a Friend." Snakes on planes should not be considered friends, under any circumstances.

2 comments:

JPX said...

From darkhorizons, "New Line says the official trailer has not been released yet, rather what snuck up online this weekend was sneak peek footage with unfinished CGI. The real teaser trailer will be released in about a month."

Octopunk said...

This bugged me when I was watching the Bondathon. Counting on an animal to be your assassin is just plain stupid. A snake or a spider is just as likely to hang out in a corner for 6 hours as do what you want.

"Doesn't she know that cutting a snake in half just makes two snakes, each as deadly as the first?" That's downright hilarious.

Malevolent

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