Island of Terror

(1966) ***

This was a lot like my last film, in that it I saw it once when I was a kid and it involves folks menaced by critters that are low to the ground and tentacled. This was a big improvement in most ways. For instance, you get to see what the damn monster looks like. Sure, it's a littls silly, but if it gets you it injects an enzyme that dissolves all your bones.

And you sound like Fat Albert's friend Mushmouth when you talk. Ha! I'm lying. You don't talk, you're fucking dead!
The island in question is off the coast of Scotland, and boy is it isolated. Much chatter is spent to offhandly mention there are no phones, one supply boat a week, and one emergency launch, "our only connection to the mainland," which is then left on the mainland so the dude can return in a helicopter, which then has to leave right away. So, yes, all alone.

Aw, I tease the folks on Petrie's Island, but they're a good bunch to have along in a monster movie. The critters make a lot of noise and don't move too fast, but nontheless the players in this movie do a decent job of convincing you that they're scary, albeit in a dry, British way.

I recommend watching the trailer below, which takes pains to reveal no hint of the monster, and is thus occasionally hilarious in its attempts to build tension and drama. Peter Cushing walks across a room and Bum Bum Bah! Trips on something! The serious "are we going to get out of this speech" is great because the answer is a long-winded "I would place our chances at less than 100%" Also the narrator's last line is hilarious.



As might be clear, the aformentioned helicopter contains a couple of scientists to come and tell everyone what to do. The eagerness with which the locals whisk around following orders is delightful, enough to make you want to ignore that their plan is to all gather in one delicious ball of monster food because not one of these islanders ever thought to own a boat.

You also want to like these monsters, because that noise is actually pretty cool (something I remembered from seeing it as a kid), and the whole dissolving-bones thing is creepy in an arch, sciency way. It's enough to ignore the slowness, fakeness and magical power of defeating the limitations of height by having your short little bodies offscreen.

"Och! I shoulda got me a fekkin' boat!"
Also worth mentioning is the odd bit of padding here and there, and some overly ambitious bombastic musical moments. The absolute winner in both categories is the hilariously long "we're putting on radiation suits" scene, made doubly hilarious by the suits' resemblance to giant body condoms.

In 1966 England this counted as gay sex
Island of Terror transcends its shortcomings because it takes itself seriously enough that you want to like it. It's like a good creepy British short story that you read in an armchair one rainy day. Hot chocolate, marshmallows, slippers. Good stuff.