Why I don't go to the movies anymore

One look at this weekend box office wrap-up (from Moviesonline) reminds me why I don't shell out $10 to see movies anymore. What a bunch of crap.

"Dude here again. Another weekend has passed us, and more movies have been released unto an unsuspecting public. Surprises were to be had, and demographics were ably covered. And as always, I am here to let you know what exactly happened. Well, what studios THINK happened, before they come out with the actual numbers on Monday, but I can never write them on Monday because I have work, and by that point you, dear readers, would have gone somewhere else to receive your box information.
This week, we have three new releases, taking the top three spots, and knocking the past champion down a bit. As mentioned before, the three films released covered all the bases. We had a romantic comedy, a horror remake, and a family film. How'd they fare? Let's go to the numbers, shall we? (All in millions, remember, and these are the studio estimates, the actuals will be released on Monday).

Failure To Launch (Par) - $24.6, 3057 screens, week 1, $24.6 total
The Shaggy Dog (Disney) - $16.0, 3501 screens, week 1, $16.0 total
The Hills Have Eyes (FoxSrch) - $15.5, 2620 screens, week 1, $15.5 total
16 Blocks (WB) - $7.3, 2706 screens, week 2, $22.7 total
Tyler Perry's Madea's Family Reunion (LG) - $5.8, 1812 screens, week 3, $55.75 total
Eight Below (BV)- $5.4, 2970 screens, week 4, $66.4 total
Aquamarine (Fox) - $3.65, 2538 screens, week 2, $12.165 total
Ultraviolet (ScrGms) - $3.6, 2558 screens, week 2, $14.75 total
The Pink Panther (MGM/Sony) - $3.6, 2302 screens, week 5, $74.6 total
Date Movie (Fox)- $2.5, 1812 screens, week 4, $44.26 total
Ok, those are the numbers, so what does this all mean? Well, if you're Matthew McConaughey, you can be smilin a little easier, kickin' back, enjoying a smoke, and playing bongos. Failure to Launch rose above horrible reviews (with horrible puns about the title) and took the top spot with almost $25 million dollars. Way to go, Matty McC. You are a hero of mine. I said it before, I'll say it again. I wanna hang out with Matthew McConaughey. He just seems like a cool guy. I envision us playing some mini-golf. Spouting words of wisdom.

Oh. Point is, his movie made a lot of money. The romantic crew was out and about , falling to the charms of Matty McC. I'll stop now. If you're the Shaggy Dog, you overcame a horrible marketing campaign (Did you SEE the creepy ass poster?) and took some families hard earned cash. I've heard some mixed reviews for the flick, which I will most likely not see. Still, Robert Downey Jr. co-stars, so it can't be all bad, right? The man is quite amusing, let's be honest. Anyway, a second place, with $16 million isn't too bad, but it was released on 3500 screens, and still took second. It probably won't do very well until the lucrative home video market. Or, it could continue on a steady track and make more money over time. The point is, I can't predict these things. Only you, the audience, can do that.

And remember, you, the audience, made Big Momma's House 2 and The Pink Panther the highest grossing films thus far of the year.

If you're the hills, you're eyes were clearly for cash. That was so lame. Yet another horror remake, the film came in third, taking in $15 million, no doubt taking less due to it's R-Rating. You know, at those theaters that actually enforce the not letting under 17 year olds into R rated movies rule. (Are there any). So yeah, it managed to SCARE up (I'm stopping now) some cash, and will turn a tidy profit and allow these remakes to continue. Sigh.

Everything else dropped significantly. 16 Blocks managed to hold on to a lower percentage drop from last week. But pretty much everything else is starting to peter out, while new movies keep coming up to bat. Seriously, like at least three flicks are released every week. Sometimes more. And they're usually gone within a few weeks of release. It's horrible.

Below the radar, Ask The Dust, starring Colin Farrell and Salma Hayek took in $72,700 on 7 screens. I know little about this movie, except that it stars Salma Hayek, and she'll get me to watch anything. Seriously. She's a hot lass. Good stuff, that Salma Hayek.

Oh, and the Academy Awards had virtually no effect on movies that were still in release, including drops for Brokeback Mountain and Capote, and almost every other nominated film in release save 2. Crash, the best picture winner which has been available on home video for quite some time now, was rereleased 175 screens and took in $357,000, bringing it's tally to $53,762,000 in 23 weeks of release. And Tsotsi, the winner of Best foreign film, took in $261,000, an increase of 299.8% from last week, and on 23 more screens. in 3 weeks of release, the film has taken in $471,000.

And in the "just because it's there and because I can" series: The Matador took in $40,800 on 53 screens, bringing it's tally to $12,534,000 in 11 weeks.

There you have my wonderful break down. Next week, we have a little movie from the guys who wrote the Matrix movie. Something about Natalie Portman with a shaved head. I think some people may have heard of it. I don't know. I'm sure something else comes out next weekend too."