(1978) **1/2
On the eve of its annual flower parade (flower parade?) the small Texas town, Maryville, finds itself in the grip of an African killer bee invasion. Not only are their sheer numbers daunting, but these bees are also smart, you see, and are able to chew through stuff and junk. The film starts with a seemingly empty military base. Upon closer inspection we find entomologist Brad Crane (Michael Caine), the (only survivor? It’s never made clear) who quickly takes control of the situation once the brass arrives. Brad is at odds with the military, which wants to eradicate all the bees while Brad wishes to research them. This back and forth gets tedious and by the end of the film there is a lot of bang bang, which renders all these discussion moot.
Oh I had been warned, God knows I had been warned to avoid The Swarm. JSP couldn’t have been more blunt about it last year when he begged people to avoid this 2.5 hour sleeping pill. Despite fair warning I found myself thinking, “It’s about killer bees, how can it miss?” True there are a few (ridiculous) effective sequences where the bees manage to cause mass havoc including killing a bunch of kids on a schoolyard, derailing a train, and, yes, even detonating a nuclear (or ‘nuke-u-leer’ as Sara Palin pronounces it) bomb, but these juicy sequences are far and few between and what we’re mostly left with are endless fucking discussions about bees, bee research, and military maneuvers. Even Michael Caine, who I normally like, got on my nerves. His accent was especially annoying for some reason – imagine this line with a thick, English accent, “We've been fighting a losing battle against the insects for fifteen years, but I never thought I'd see the final face-off in my lifetime. And I never dreamed, that it would turn out to be the bees. They've always been our friend.” This is one of those “disaster” movies from the Seventies (e.g., Towering Inferno, Earthquake, etc) where as many celebrities as possible are crammed into the story a la It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. Oh look, there’s popular My Three Sons actor Fred MacMurray. And who might that handsome woman be? Yes, folks, it’s ‘They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike’ – Patty Duke! Oh God this film was bad. An hour could easily be excised from this to make it more bearable. In its favor the swarm itself looks good and overall the fx are effective. The few sequences of bee attacks work well and the overall look is that of a large budget. Still, if anyone gets the idea to check this out next year (yes there will be a next year), please avoid The Swarm, I’m begging you!
By the way, The best moment of The Swarm comes at the end of the credits where the following statement is made,
“The African killer bees portrayed in this film bears no relationship to the industrious hard-working American bee to which we are indebted for pollinating vital crops that feed our nation” (!)
HAHAHAHAHA, were they afraid that the film was unpatriotic? Offensive to bees? I love it, I just love this statement.
3 comments:
Great review JPX, I remember when that movie came out. They put that warning in there cause people went into a panic thinking all bees were killers and people were destroying hives left and right. I guess there's no accounting for stupidity.
my favorite bit of trivia about this movie (which i reviewed for last year's thon http://horrorthon.blogspot.com/2007/11/swarm.html) is that michael caine spent his time on the set picking yellow dots off of his clothes and eating them, thinking they were bee pollen. turns out he was eating bee poop the whole film.
Delicious bee poop.
50, how is it you don't know how to hyperlink?
That disclaimer sounds hilarious. Was there a graphic of a bee with a hardhat and a flag?
Post a Comment