Saturday, November 08, 2008
Atom Age Vampire
After her boyfriend unexpectedly dumps her, hysterical stripper Jeanette drives her car with the reckless abandon of a teenager who has just been given the green light by his virgin girlfriend for some hey, hey , hey! Despite surviving a dangerous collision with a tree, Jeanette is horribly disfigured, what is a stripper to do? On the verge of suicide, Jeanette learns from a rogue nurse that a local doctor (madman) might be able to help her if she agrees to be discrete about things. Jeanette quickly agrees to the terms and faster than Sara Palin’s own party turned on her post election, she finds herself undergoing radical surgery to restore her beauty (“Spontaneous reproduction of living cells, the secret of life itself!”).
The surgery is a rousing success and Jeanette is once again a beauty, at least for a little while. Soon her looks begin to fade and her scars begin to appear once again. The doctor explains that it is necessary for Jeanette to undergo a series of “treatments” before her beauty takes hold once and for all. Whatever. Soon there is a rash of mysterious deaths that might be connected to the good doctor. Jeanette eventually learns the doctor’s terrible secret; her “treatments” require the transplantation of glands from other females, which don’t come easily. The doctor reveals that in order to assuage his guilt over murdering local women, he injects himself with a serum that transforms him into a beast whenever he goes out for an evening of murder. Jeanette decides that she would rather be disfigured than deal with the weirdo doctor but she finds that getting away from him is not as easy as you might think, especially after he confesses his love for her.
Atom Age Vampire is a misleading title given that there no vampires in this movie. Still this it’s a fun, silly, dumb film that’s best suited for a cloudy Saturday afternoon while you’re folding laundry and frequently checking your email to see if you’ve received anything else besides endless promises of a bigger penis.