Lost Colony: Wraiths of Roanoke

(2007) *½

Based on true events regarding the mysterious disappearance of an entire colony on Roanoke Island, Virginia in the 1500's. The colonists arrive and are soon warned by the natives that there are evil spirits that control the woods around the fort. The ghosts of some ticked off Vikings are milling about killing the good folks of the colony. They want Ananias & Eleanor Dare's newborn baby for her innocence and purity. The colony is not about to give up without a fight so they must discover the weakness of their enemy and destroy them before the infant Virginia Dare is lost forever.


Does that sound like total crap or what? Well, I was unaware when I rented this that it was a SciFi channel exclusive. Had I known that I would have told myself, this is crap and put it back on the shelf. First of all, the colonists don't even really talk or act like people would have in 1580. They were obnoxious, defiant to the leader and totally lacked any fear of superstitions. So wrong, I didn't really care about any of them. Well, maybe the baby because it was unfortunate enough to be born into this lot of idiots. Even with the baby, I had to laugh at the birth scene. The infant they chose had to be at least 3 months old. If any woman, child bearing hips or not could push a head out that size then her husband should be afraid, very afraid.

Just look at these ghosts, in the film they glow lime green. They looked like the Ghostbuster's spirits on stearoids. They couldn't cross water, big scary viking ghosts and they're afraid of a little water. Now, I have no idea what really happened on Roanoke that made those people vanish but my guess is it wasn't these ghosts. Ok Joe, now you've given me a freaky movie made by a molester that totally weirded me out and a hunk of crap that wasted 95 minutes of my time. I'd like to say I had better luck with the 3rd movie but no such luck. That review is yet to come. I'm thnking that I should just avoid Joe's video store from now on.