Botched

(2007)

To be honest I'm not exactly sure as to what the hell I just witnessed. Described as a "horror comedy", I found the sense of humor in this Irish film to be simply bizarre.

Stephen Dorff (whom I think is just great, not sure why) plays a low level gangster eager to pay off his debt for being smuggled into the US from Russia as a child. When the perfect diamond heist gets botched (!) thanks to a dog running into traffic, his crime boss gives him one last chance to redeem himself.

Accompanied by two bickering brothers, he's sent to Moscow to steal a priceless golden cross that once belonged to Ivan the Terrible. The older brother Peter is a belligerent moron while Yuri is meek and relatively useless. This mission hits complications when his party gets trapped on the 13th floor, resulting in an unpleasant hostage situation.

The hostages - a security guard who thinks of himself a soldier, a trio of nuns, a nerd, a hot chick and a couple of others who aren't going to live very long - start getting murdered by a sadistic unknown assailant who dresses and acts like a guy who takes himself too seriously at a Renaissance Faire. The plot sound absurd but it's all explained satisfactorily. Hint: Ivan the Terrible.

I dug Botched. I probably won't watch it again anytime soon but I enjoyed the unexpected directions it took. There are some genuine horrific moments that are neutered by  amateurish special effects and one Scooby Doo-like chase.