Wednesday, October 08, 2014

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner

(2014) *1/2



I'm gonna be straight with you because I owe you that much: The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is not a very good film. I started this one out of dumb curiosity and by the time I got to the Drop Your Bra for Charity scene I was past the point of no return. Last year I got burnt out with Horrorthon because I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of bad movies I watched and had no desire to review. This year I intend to watch fewer films but review them all. I’ll be damned if I’m not going to get credit for watching this.
I understand and applaud what they were going for here - a college stoner sex romp with zombies. Truth be told I did not expect a masterpiece and yet I still found myself disappointed in its execution. It violates nearly every zombie law created over the years, including its own. 
The main character Chrissy recalls the girl with the constant incredulous expression from those insufferable Scary Movie films. After being dumped by her boyfriend who prefers girls who "use their mouth for one and only one thing", she finds herself in a bit of a bind. If she doesn't find a new frat boy boyfriend then she'll get kicked out of her sorority. If she gets kicked out of her sorority then she will lose her scholarship. This crisis sets up a situation where she begins dating Fabian, a zombie who suppresses his cannibalistic urges by smoking the sweet, sweet herb.  
Throw in Bugs Bunny sounds and a rapid fire series of countless sexual innuendos and you've got yourself a movie that's too stupid for words. I couldn't give it my full attention without dying a little inside so I practiced my human beatbox skills throughout the viewing.

8 comments:

JPX said...

Good god, man, what were you thinking? You're moving into Catfreeek territory! The photo you posted alone is all I need to know. Over the past few years I have decided that I am not going to waste one second on bad films (unless I watch one that I believe will be good and then it turns out bad). It is painful to get through a bad film. Watching less and staying on top of your reviews is a good strategy.

Catfreeek said...

I'm still waiting for your review of The Item...

Tony loves these cheesy crap fests so in turn I end up watching them with him and reviewing them. You state, "I’ll be damned if I’m not going to get credit for watching this." and that is exactly how I feel about them. I do have to say, some of them are quite amusing if they are done just right.

Catfreeek said...

Oh and as a result of Tony viewing so many of these my Netflix recommendations are complete crap.

Crystal Math said...

I wouldn't have had the patience to review this film. In fact I'm getting angry at its stupidity this very moment. Now on to better movies!

Trevor said...

I'd say this sounds like the poor man's Warm Bodies, but it seems much worse. Maybe, the completely naked and destitute man's Warm Bodies.

AC said...

ouch. you know i love SBIG, but loathe SBIB. sometimes it's a fine line, but this doesn't even sound close.

total kudos for the "watch fewer but write 'em up" plan!

(speaking of SBIG, i have high hopes for "godmonster of indian flats," which mr. ac and i plan to watch and review this weekend.)

DCD said...

Wow, that is beyond taking one for the team, JSP!

Octopunk said...

The title of this alone makes me cringe.