Thursday, October 20, 2011


(2007) *1/2

The mascot for Hella Burger known as Horny the Clown comes to life and starts slaughtering annoying teenagers. I can feel you rolling your eyes as you're reading this and I don't blame you.

Whirlygirl panned this last year but I think her one star rating was a tad harsh. Truthfully no one over the age of 14 should be allowed to watch such a stinker but Whirly doesn’t have Mr. Jiggles to compare it to, which, now that the dust has settled I can declare to be the worst movie I have ever seen. Drive Thru has a couple of things going for it that gave me cause to celebrate. First and most importantly I salute the idea of adding devil horns to an evil clown. Additionally some of the fast food lingo at Hella Burger made me chuckle. Quips such as “You want fries with that?” that Horny delivered as he stuffed a head into a deep fryer filled me with a juvenile sense of glee.

If you don’t want to read the following mild spoiler then that would mean that you intend to watch Drive-Thru which would make me lose respect for you. I can get away with it because I made a commitment to clowns that I must see through to the end. You have been warned (twice now) so you have no excuse. But if you’re that damn stubborn then stop reading now.

*I actually sided with Horny once his reasons for vengefully returning from the dead were revealed. He was 100% justified. His so called “friends” no-showed his birthday party, hid so that they could laugh at the disappointment on his face and then played an extremely cruel joke which led to his fiery death. Kill them all I say!


Crystal Math said...

HELLA BURGER?!?? Does that exist in Oakland?

Octopunk said...

Crystal, you are a bottom liner and I like that. Right to the point.

Big props for seeing through on your clown fetish -- ah, theme. I read your spoiler because I want you to respect me but what you revealed made me think I'd like to see this now.

Incidentally I've completed another round of obsessively commenting on every single review, starting with Trevor's review of The Thing on Wednesday.

I also note that Cal of the Canadian Cave of Coolness has joined our roster (he asked me to re-send the invite before October started but I missed the email -- oops!).

Really kickass content this year, people.

JPX said...

Funny review! I read the spoiler and now I’m on the side of the clown. I hate bullies.

DCD said...

I'm definitely on the side of the devil-horned clown. I admit to also being more intrigued knowing the spoiler!

Whirlygirl said...

Don't be intrigued, it's a terrible movie.

I can't stop laughing at the pic of horny in the balls.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

I thought I made it clear that it's a terrible movie!

As a child I used to love the Chuck-E-Cheez pool of balls but then someone told me that they were bacteria cesspools of child urine and I never looked at them the same way since. Do kids really pee in those things?

Catfreeek said...

I think I would have been on the side of the clown even if I hadn't read the spoiler.