Thursday, October 27, 2011

Blood Harvest


(1987) **

You sure you don't want him at your 5 year-old's birthday?
Tiny Tim headlines this movie as Marvelous Mervo the clown – and a bunch of people get slaughtered. The two are not connected. When the bank forecloses farmers' properties in a small town, they refuse to help the banker's daughter Jill when she returns home to visit and finds her parents missing. Gary is her childhood friend and is very supportive, but becomes a little too close for comfort as the predictable plot progresses.

This Tiny Tim vehicle could use more scenes with Mervo in it to alleviate the 80s synthesized music, which never seems to end as Jill puts a record on and it turns out to be a continuation of the movie's soundtrack. It's like New Order recorded bad music in a collective effort to commit suicide.
 
This movie would have zero stars if Tiny Tim wasn't in it at all. JSP already touched upon the finer points of this film – namely, that Tim's appearance is the ONLY redeeming quality of Blood Harvest.
And to think, just a minute ago these 'hose were on you!
One only needs to see the first minute of this movie, which is another point JSP drove home by forcing me to watch – FIVE TIMES – a la Clockwork Orange. My glazzies will forever be burned with the image of Tiny Tim's painted mug and Jill's full bush as she steps out of the shower.*


*Note: Jill's relative abundance of hair down there earned ½ a star in the rating of this film. Woman power!

6 comments:

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Haha - my goal of getting that Tiny Tim song stuck in your head totally worked! Unfortunately it backfired in a way because for the past week I've woken up with it dancing in my head. I only hope my neighbors can't hear me singing it in the shower.

Octopunk said...

"Tiny Tim headlines this movie as Marvelous Mervo the clown – and a bunch of people get slaughtered. The two are not connected."

Just one of three or more funny lines in this review that still, minutes later, have me giggling. Excellent.

50PageMcGee said...

-@JSP: it could be worse. you could be waking up with this dancing in your head.

-really glad Crystal is along for the ride this year. the new order bit is stellar.

-does Tiny Tim really get to have a "vehicle"?

-i too award extra stars for woman power, but i think my measuring stick for woman power works differently than yours (see last photo from my Severance review).

Crystal Math said...

JSP -- I'm certain your neighbors are as entertained as I am with your shower medley.

50P -- Of COURSE Tiny Tim has a vehicle, he is a clown isn't he? Also I don't think I need to know any more about your measuring stick! :-P

DCD said...

"It's like New Order recorded bad music in a collective effort to commit suicide."

Awesomesauce.

Catfreeek said...

I may just have to watch this and fast forward to all the Tiny Tim scenes.