Tales of the Black Freighter

(2009) ***1/2

This should really have been called "Tale of the Black Freighter." Either that or dammit, make more tales. One twenty minute segment isn't nearly satisfactory.

And it's a great segment -- it springs from the fabulous premise of a guy sailing on a boat made out of dead bodies and ends with bloody murder in the sand. Add to that some great animation, which pulls no punches with the story line.

We see birds eating brains.


We see brains smashed by rocks.


We see life being choked out.


We see gaseous intestines erupting.


My main complaint is that it's so short. Seriously, how hard would it have been to assemble more stories to extend the running time? What, were they trying to honor Alan Moore by sticking to his original concept? What's the problem? He hated the very idea of the Watchmen, and by extension Freighter being converted from their comic book origins, so why not just go to town? Just make up some new stuff. Here, I'll make up two right now.

1 - Brave and respectable sea captain gets attacked by rogues and has to watch as his wife and daughter are killed in front of him. Then the rogues make him drink the blood of his slain family. He goes crazy and kills everyone.

2 - Just lots and lots of people get killed.

See? All you have to do is add the details and whip up some animation, and voila: a feature length cartoon.

But the twenty minutes we're given are grim and delightful. Any of the images you see, if put into live action form would be yak-inducing and great -- real vintage Horrorthon fodder.