Monday, October 10, 2011

Dark Ride

(2006) **1/2

After an exquisitely executed opening sequence involving a pair of 11 year old twin girls and the haunted house ride from my wildest dreams, Dark Ride degenerates into another slasher by numbers complete with “let’s split up and find the others!” mentality. For those who have been disappointed by lame "house of horror" amusement park rides, the first 5 minutes are worth checking out if only to see what one of these rides should look like.
I'm looking at YOU Rocky Point from my childhood! 45 minutes in line to
see a dangling skeleton and a painted werewolf on the wall? You suck!

The other 89 minutes are mostly unremarkable but are made palatable by an above average looking killer and the presence of Jamie-Lyn Sigler (from The Sopranos). She and her on again/off again boyfriend (which becomes a moot detail very quickly), a free spirited hitchhiking dingbat, a couple of other expendables and Jim, the man with a million irksome facial expressions set out for adventure. Unfortunately for them, of all the times they could have chosen to take mushrooms and break into the newly reopened "Dark Ride", they had to pick the very night when a homicidal maniac flees a mental institution to go on a killing spree. Of all the rotten luck!

The one thing I've learned thus far during Horrorthon '11 is that city planners really need to stop building mental institutions next to amusement parks. It's simply a recipe for disaster. Anyway, Dark Ride goes on autopilot until the all too predictable "swerve" at the end. Like most slashers, the audience is likely going to root for the killer rather than the victims. Personally I paid attention solely to see what obnoxious expression Jim would bust out once he was staring death in the face.
In one of these pictures Jim is staring at breasts and in another
he's about to be killed. Can you guess which is which?

8 comments:

JPX said...

HAHA, love the Jim gallery! It's too bad that the film didn't live up to the first 10 minutes of the movie, kind of like all the Scream movies. Were there any clowns?

Catfreeek said...

The Jim gallery is the best! I remember this being very meh as well.

50PageMcGee said...

that guy should get in a face fight with jim carrey.

i always enjoy a sensational funhouse -- see the move The Funhouse for another really great one. you'll be relieved to note that there's no mental institution next to the funhouse. the killer already lives there.

Octopunk said...

Maybe we should have a Funniest Sentence category for the end of Horrorthon. Here's my vote: " She and her on again/off again boyfriend (which becomes a moot detail very quickly), a free spirited hitchhiking dingbat, a couple of other expendables and Jim, the man with a million irksome facial expressions set out for adventure."

My god, Jim! He's like if Arch Hall Jr. married some sort of frog woman. Which is pretty likely if you think about it.

Johnny Sweatpants said...

Haha Octo - this guy reminded me of Arch Hall Jr. & Gary Busey!

DCD said...

I also vote for this sentence:
"The one thing I've learned thus far during Horrorthon '11 is that city planners really need to stop building mental institutions next to amusement parks."

Hilarious!

JPX said...

Wow, when was that Rocky Point picture taken? It looks like the 1960s maybe? I don't ever remember Rocky Point looking like that. By time I went there is was a run-down, dreary place. The Haunted House was just a place teens went to feel their girlfriends up.

DCD said...

I'm assuming that's a guess on your part, JPX?

(Ooooo, SNAP!)