Q: What happens when a bunch of dim witted filmmakers shoot a killer clown movie using no budget, no script, terrible actors and precious little direction?
A: They make a piece of crap movie that nobody should ever watch!
I am officially knee deep in clown poop. After inviting Mr. Jingles into my home I’ve concluded that I need to research my selections a little better. I’ll admit it. I simply saw an evil clown on the cover named Mr. Jingles and I naturally assumed I was in for another mildly entertaining circus romp featuring an escaped mental patient. Boy was I wrong. If only I had paid attention to the BOLD CAPS WARNINGS!!! of the dissatisfied Netflix customers. Several labeled it is the worst of the worst that amateur horror has to offer. One guy shut the movie off before the opening credits and still felt strongly enough about it to give it a verbal thrashing.
I'm not going to bother with a plot outline because there really is no plot to speak of. There are a few ad libbed references to a recently released prisoner seeking revenge after being falsely convicted of a crime but trust me - it really doesn't matter.
Isn't the clown on the cover pretty cool looking though? Yes, yes he is. So take a good long look at him and enjoy because that's not the clown that's featured in the film. The one in the movie looks more like Ronald McDonald after waking up in a dumpster with a bad hangover.
The death scenes fared no better and would have been more convincing in the hands of 5 year olds. First an axe is shown getting held up in the air and then they cut to a closeup on the victim getting a bucket of blood dumped (not sprayed mind you) on his face. Repeat 5x. Cut! Next scene.
I could go on all day about how every scene, every frame, every idea was ill conceived and deeply flawed but I cannot muster the strength. On the plus side it didn’t feature Natalie Portman.
8 comments:
How can this be bad? I mean, just look at that clown? His name is Mr. Jingles, which is just the best damn name for a clown! You're not the only one who has been lured in by a box cover.
I find Netflix reviews to be completely unreliable. Almost every horror movie gets 1 star so it's difficult to gauge how good/bad a movie really is by the reviews.
Being officially knee deep in clown poop just means you're doing Horrorthon right. I have some brontosaurus poop to dig myself out of later. Great review.
Hey, I'd be happy to bee knee deep in clown poop at this point. I'm pretty much drowning in depravity.
That clown does look bad-ass. What a bummer! It did produce a hilarious review though!
That is an awesome cover. How have there been so many evil clown movies without an effective evil clown? You'd think this would be a slam-dunk.
What the hell does clown poop look like? I imagine it's like being stuck in a giant ballpit. It sounds like a blast until you realize that those colorful balls are actually clown excrement.
Natalie Portman's GOTTA be in the mix somewhere! Keep digging JSP!
jsp, does this have a "so bad it's good" vibe or an "avoid at all costs, no really" vibe?
Crystal - I believe that clown poop is like the regular stuff except slightly more pinkish and stringy from their cotton candy diet.
AC - It's good for a few laughs but I can't in good conscience recommend it to anyone for any reason.
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